Shattered but Strong

FINALLY!!! The day came where I got to come home! The discharge process was long. We were waiting on my travel oxygen to get there. Once that did, we were waiting on my prescriptions to be ready in the pharmacy. I opted to not take a pain pill from the nurse b/c my new prescription was going to be ready very soon and she said that if I took one from her, we couldn't leave for 2 hours. Well, it took over 2 hours for the Rx to be ready and it was different than what I had been taking, so I didn't want to take that and chance it making me sick on the car ride home. Wrong decision. Word of advice - always take the pain medicine! LOL. It was BUMPY and completely uncomfortable! LOL. But, after 2 long hours, we made it HOME. My sister and brother in law met us at our house with a recliner and a wheel chair for me to use. My mom, who drove me home, got me settled inside, then went to Walmart to get a few things I'd probably need. Our youngest pup, was also hospitalized while I was,...

I stayed in the hospital for another week or so, just recovering and trying to get my oxygen levels straightened out. In that time span, I was only taken on a walk one time because my o2 saturation would drop so low as soon as they took it off. It had to be at a certain point before they would take me. I was hoping to get discharged on a Friday. The day before that, I really struggled with my breathing and even had a slight pain (felt like a sharp pain you get sometimes when you breath in) in my chest area. My doctor came in Friday morning and could tell I was a bit nervous about going home, but we still talked about it happening. He came back a few minutes later and said, "You know what, I'm on call this weekend, so how about you stay through the weekend and if all goes well, we'll look at discharging on Monday." Okay, whatever you say. lol. Shortly after that, they came in and did a chest x-ray (it's really cool that they can do these in the room now)! Later tha...

I don't remember everything about waking up (surprise, surprise).  I remember being terrified of being on the ventilator. I somehow knew I was on it when I was waking up. I thought I was in a different room than before the surgery. I found out later that I was not. When I was 'waking up', I remember feeling like the tube down my throat was choking me and I thought I was going to die. If you know me, you know I have a fear of choking anyways. I remember having each member of my family come into the room and I tried to express to them that I was afraid it was going to kill me. At least all of the women in my family know basic alphabet sign language (I don't know about my dad). But, I remember trying to sign language to my oldest sister, but she didn't pick up on it and left the room. My dad came in and I remember trying to sign to him. My hands felt SO heavy and I thought it was just from the surgery drugs...I later found out that they weren't heavy, they were tie...

  May 2.  Surgery day. They decided I was stable enough to do it. I don't remember much. I remember Anibal coming in, playing some Toby Mac and giving me a pep talk. I remember thinking to myself, "You have to do this. You have to come out of it." I remember the Surgeon saying that he was going to have to take my ovaries, fallopian tubes and uterus. I remember saying, defeated, "Just take it all". That's what I remember from that week. Take it all. He couldn't take it all.  About 2 hours in the OR, but everything went well.  The cysts had ruptured and were the cause of the infection. They removed both large cysts and multiple smaller ones that had been  hidden on imaging, due to the size of the big ones. They removed 2 liters of infected fluid from my stomach cavity and had to remove the stomach "apron" (the inside of the abdominal wall). They took my ovaries and fallopian tubes, but couldn't take my uterus because everything was so inflame...

  After a couple days at United Regional, the team of Doctors there had decided they were not equipped to treat me. They began searching for a Gynecological Oncologist. The next day I was transferred to Methodist of Dallas. Immediately, I had MULTIPLE TEAMS of Doctors running more tests and putting together a treatment plan. They were certain I would be needing surgery to remove the cysts. Unfortunately at this point, the Sepsis had to be treated first. They inserted a PICC Line and I was on a cocktail of antibiotics and large doses of pain medicine. I had 4 blood transfusions.  My breathing had worsened to the point I was completely oxygen dependent and eventually was intubated. I can't say that I remember much about what had gone on from the time we arrived at Methodist Hospital. I was very rarely alert, but in constant pain...a whole week I STILL don't remember. I had amazing care at Methodist. They needed to treat the Sepsis first, as I mentioned earlier. At one point, I h...

  There is SO much I don't remember. During these posts, when I write "I remember..." it is usually something I remembered AFTER I was released from the hospital. I'd say a good week and a half is just what I've been told (and much I still haven't been told).  United Regional is our local hospital and the ER we were at. They did every single test you could think of. X-rays, Cat scans, MRI's, The thing where they use a huge needle and pull fluid from your body parts (that was fun)....all sorts of things.  My initial diagnosis was (get ready lol) :: SEPSIS with Acute Organ Dysfunction Hypoxic Hypercapnic Respiratory Failure Bacterial Peritonitis After ALL the tests, it was determined that both of my ovaries (2-4 inches long each) had cysts on them that were 5-8 inches long each!) My ovaries had RUPTURED and inside was lots of infected fluid, blood clots and more cysts.  My white blood cell count was elevated and the multiple blood tests for Cancer were indic...

Pre:warning: forgive me, I'm using old facebook posts for my timeline and to know what happened. April 25 came like any other day. Even though I was to take the day off, I needed to make sure our internet at the vet clinic was up and running. My boss and the founder of our clinic was out of state to speak at a conference, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay at work. I dropped our youngest off at school and headed to the clinic. I spent about 2 hours there then headed home.  It was just me and the dogs all day. I'm sure I was lazy for a good part of it, productive for a good part of it and I know that I did a workout that morning- because that's what I assume triggered the next moments.  Late afternoon, I jumped in the shower. All the guys would be home soon, so it was a good time to do so. Towards the end of my shower, I felt a terrible pain in my side...almost like a muscle cramp. I got out of the shower (assuming the work out did it's job and I'm more out...

 April 24, 2022 was a Sunday. I remember it well. It was storming the last few days and on Friday, our internet at work went down. I rushed around this night to get prepaid internet and a router set up, so that we could function Monday morning. Because of that, I was to not work Monday.  My facebook post for April 24: "This thunder is REALLY pissing The Bo off. Rudely waking him from his all day Sunday naps." Boy, not another post on my page until one was made by my husband on May 2.  I created this blog as a way to do some self-healing and self-therapy. The next several entries will entail details of a medical emergency I went through that nearly took my life. It's been over 6 months, I've been dealt more trauma and need to heal. The emotional healing hasn't come yet. Maybe I haven't allowed it. Maybe it's just part of the process. I don't know, but I hope being able to express my thoughts and feelings on "paper" helps. It used to be the onl...